Daily?!

So earlier this week a model posted the following in a thread about escorts.  A local model, who’s Goth, and who dresses as such on a regular basis.  She said…

Also, as for the “would you take an escort running errands, or doing x y or z?”  YES!  As a woman I rarely go far alone, you can think I’m silly if you want, however I get harassed and followed DAILY.

And honestly, I’m having a hard time wrapping my brain around this.  I really am.  Unfortunately, the thread was locked before I got a chance to reply, so I’m gracing the pages of my blog with my thoughts instead.

In the past month, I can count on one hand the number of times I was harassed.  I’ve not been followed.  Now, sure, I live in the “super-safe” Chicago suburbs, not the city, and I drive more than I walk.

But even when I worked in the city and commuted in on Metra, I was hardly followed or harassed, and most certainly not on a daily basis.  In fact, I can think of one stand-out incident, and that was actually a guy on the train into the city, who I sat next to one day and was nice to, and who suddenly started borderline-stalking me (he wanted to sit with me every day, and tried to walk me to work).  I diffused the situation by taking an earlier train in the morning, or, when I was running late, by sitting with a group of women and ignoring him.  I’ve not seen or heard from him in over 3 years.

My cousin lives in the city and teaches at a magnet school, and commutes to work via CTA and foot.  I’ve never heard her complain about being harassed or followed, and I doubt she’d have had a kid while living in the city if she felt so threatened.  She doesn’t bring her husband with her everywhere she goes either, even when she’s with the baby.

This isn’t the first time this model and have I had different experiences.  Awhile back she posted complaining about photographers belittling her and pressuring her to do nudes, and telling her she’d never “make it” unless she got naked.  At the time, her profile was full of implied nudes, lingerie, bodypaint and a few not-nude-but-risque images.  So yea, of course people are going to ask her to shoot nudes or pressure her for it.  She obviously isn’t afraid to get nude of bodypaint, or get sexy, or put electrical tape X’s over her nipples and prance around in a thong, so what difference does it make? In the meantime, I rarely get pressured for nudes, because I don’t have photos up that suggest I’d be willing to shoot nudes (or where I’m already nude or nearly so).  FWIW though, she’s now shooting nudes.

Anyway.

To this model direct, I suggest that maybe, just maybe you have a problem because the way you dress commands attention.  Perhaps, if you’re starting to question your safety on a daily basis, you need to consider making a change, either to your lifestyle or your daily wardrobe.  I know it can be a hard thing to do, but IMO, if you’re putting yourself in danger daily, and it’s making you uncomfortable to the point of having to bring someone with you everywhere you go, then perhaps it’s time to just suck it up and make a change.

FWIW, I’ve had issues with 2 photographers in the past 4+ years I’ve been modeling.  The first issue was at my first shoot, and I had someone there with me, and the photographer was trying to pressure me into wearing his ex’s lingerie.  I left the shoot early.  The second was an ongoing thing over AIM and texts, where the photographer wanted to make out, and when turned down, wanted me to take photos of him and his girlfriend having sex.  I simply blocked him on AIM and stopped answering his text messages.  I’ve not had contact with either photographer since, and will give honest “I had a problem, this is what happened” feedback if asked about them.

Escorts on the other hand, have hit on me, made me feel uncomfortable by giving me the evil eye, and have even rummaged through my stuff at group events.  Not cool one bit, and escorts are not allowed at events I host because I don’t want to put others in uncomfortable situations.  Especially after a model hired an armed bodyguard for a M&G (not even a shoot, a meet and greet) held at a public place (Portillo’s restaurant, for those familiar with Chicagoland).  On a Saturday evening, at 7P.  We didn’t even have a private party room.   Give me a fucking break!

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6 Comments to “Daily?!”

  1. Agreed 100%. As I posted in the thread, its simply not believable- but considering the model in question, well…

    I have four sisters. One is a doctor in Detroit, another a PhD ecologist who used to live by herself in the wilderness doing field work, another who is a nurse, and another who owns a business doing home health care. None of them has any problem going places and doing things alone if they have to. I’ve never heard any of them complain about needing a babysitter. The ecologist flies all over the world by herself (she is actually a known expert in her field) and doesn’t complain about being bothered.

    At some point, every person has to put on their big kid pants and act like an intelligent adult. Someone who claims that “they are all just out to get me” is simply a childish, self-centered attention whore.

  2. I’ve always enjoyed your blog, but I’m afraid I’m going to have to stop reading it. I don’t know the person you’re talking about nor what she may actually do or not do to warrant the kind of attention she’s getting. But the way a woman dresses should never be the reason she is followed, harassed, pressured, or otherwise treated as less than a human being. It’s an excuse that’s often used by rape apologists–“she was asking for it, her shirt was so low, her skirt was so high”–and I’m alarmed to see it echoed in any way here. As a friend of mine says, we need to take care of our sisters, and blaming them for the bad attention they receive is not the way to do it.

    Best of luck to you in the future.

  3. Very good points you have made here. I agree with you 100 percent!

  4. Generally, I actually tend to agree with you when it comes to rape and that “she asked for it” attitude some people have. However, I still stand by what I said. If someone is dealing with constant harassment, then perhaps they need to look at what they’re doing that might be bringing it on, and looking at their lifestyle and how they dress (for this specific person) might be a good starting point. Similarly, I suggest photographers who deal with constant flakey models turn around and look at what they might be doing that could be causing it.

    Bottom line is, if you are in a situation that’s unfavorable, and the common denominator is you, then you need to look at what you’re doing to cause the problem.

  5. I have seen a few of the posts like you’re talking about before, Rachel, ALWAYS in escort threads, and always with the model who’s demanding an escort insisting she needs one because men are “ALWAYS” following & harassing her.

    One woman literally posted once that she has to take her armed police officer husband or another armed escort approved by her husband, PLUS she has to carry a gun herself because she’s “so beautiful” (her words) that men can’t help themselves around her & will hit on her if in public, or if alone for even a moment (like in an elevator in one example she gave) will immediately try to rape her.

    I think, for these women, the issue is not how they dress or act. It’s simply in their own heads. They honestly believe they’re so beautiful/attractive/compelling that men will abandon all standards and rape them if given the chance.

  6. Good point, that last one, SLE! I didn’t think of that…

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